Conflicted Connection

There are moments when I experience things that cause me to take a step back from people. I feel as if I need to reevaluate the connection that is between us and be honest about why it is there. At times it does not seem as if equal reciprocation occurs and I have to question myself and reflect on it.

I am always curious to know if others feel this way. Is it just dealt with, ignored, or are those connections simply severed? There have been times that I have ended friendships because of its lopsidedness. I do not mind helping others, listening, providing a shoulder, etc., but the moment that I feel that I am unable to have this returned I hit the brakes.

Relationship is a word that can be used to express the connection. According to Merriam-Webster (2014), the definition of relationship describes the way in which multiple people are connected.

More times than I care to count, I have taken trips over 100 miles with no car or money to make sure that I made it to birthdays, holidays and just because. There are people that say they are close to me and often ask for me to visit them. I can count on a single hand how many times some of those people have visited me. When I open the door for those events and visits to take place at my home there are 100 reasons why it will not happen. In attempts to be more social I have watched sports, attended events, and went on trips that I did not much interest in. When I suggest a movie, plan a day, or ask to attend a different event it does not come to pass. It gets frustrating after a while.

Should I continue to act selflessly for the sake of a relationship?

Are we friends because we are neighbors? Is there a connection solely because we shop at the same store? Are you around because you are recently single? Solely because we work together? Solely because of something material such as an available car ride? Or because….?

If the relationship is a one-way street there will be a point that I need to park the car and get out, or I need to turn around and go in a new direction, right? I am so conflicted.

Citation: Relationship. (2014). In Merriam webster. Retrieved from

6 thoughts on “Conflicted Connection

  1. You raise some great questions in this. Personally….I view friendships as one of two things. Either I am a friend to someone….or I have a friendship with someone. I limit how many people I will be friends with (what you described above….always being there for them, visiting them, investing in them, etc) because it will burn me out if I have too many. I view that as me contributing to someone else. But I dont count it as a “friendship”. If that makes sense. I have very few actual friendships….because its hard to find people who are willing to give and not just get. This is a common problem…you are not alone! Just make sure you take care of you….or one day you will pop!

    • I love that and it makes perfect sense. I think differentiating the two types of associations will be helpful. Setting aside some me time is definitely in order! I appreciate your feedback, thank you!! ❤

  2. I feel you.. ALL relationships are maintained for a reason.. People are getting something out of it, one or both parties.. even if that something is a sense of being needed.. There should always be a constant evaluation of the people you spend your time with or on… Time is something we cant get back and is in short supply.. I try really hard to spend my time with and on people that nourish my spirit.. and when it is no longer nourishing, it becomes refuse…

    • I’m not a fan of one-sided relationships. Whether that be with co-workers, associates, family, or people I consider to be friends. Once I start to feel like I’m putting out more than is returned then I cut strings. I’m not sure if this is always the best solution, but it’s a well known “thing” that I do.

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